Don’t Freeze Them!

Here is something you do, and I bet you don’t know you do it!

You ‘freeze’ people and keep them in a frozen wasteland.

Puzzled? I will explain.

My friend Nina was about to go on a cruise when her daughter, call her Shirley, phoned. Shirley had a nasty fight with her husband and thought her marriage was over. She had had it. She was not going to take it anymore. This was it.

Shirley had young children and was not financially independent. She had few skills attractive to a potential employer. She was prone to mood swings and could be very agreeable or downright nasty.

Nina spent the entire cruise worrying about her daughter and how she would manage and how she, Nina, could help. Communication links were bad on the ship, and she could not make outgoing calls. Nina called Shirley the instant she could after the ship docked and found her daughter having a merry day at the zoo with her children.

And the fight she had with her husband? Oh, that was a lover’s tiff and things were just fine. In fact, the babysitter was coming in a few hours so they could go out for a romantic dinner.

Shirley had her fight and moved on. Nina ‘froze’ Shirley in her mental tableaux, and it ruined her cruise.

We all do this, and we do it repeatedly.

How often do you meet a person and instantly bring to mind all the previous interactions you have had with that person? And your memories shape how you act and that may well determine how this meeting goes.

You think of Sally as a frivolous nitwit. But Sally may have moved on to become a serious and dedicated professional.

It is possible, even likely, that you have similarly ‘frozen’ people who are close to you including your partner.

Try this experiment. Meet your friends as if this were the very first time you were meeting. Jettison all the opinions you have. Recall your memories and drop them.

Savor the pleasure of discovering someone for the first time.

You will discover a joy in the relationship that was not there before.

Peace!